I Was Too Cautious and I was Wrong (#TruthTuesday)

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I prefer to err on the side of caution and didn’t realize how overly cautious I’d become in this article.

I didn’t receive any comments on the writing, publicly or privately, from family members or friends; which honestly wasn’t unusual so I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until this year, about four years since the article was written that someone asked me about it, my word choices, my perspectives, had I changed, etc. You see, this person wasn’t able to reconcile my words of four years ago with who or how I’m known.

I was thankful for the questions and the sincerity in which this person wanted to understand me, my thoughts, and feelings.

I began at the beginning. There was a backstory to the event I wrote about. The situation was that I was belittled and verbally degraded in front of strangers in a State and neighborhood I was unfamiliar with. This person was the one I’d traveled there with and being in an unknown place, and her being the only person I knew, my thoughts were to maintain the peace with her until I was able to fly back to my home State.

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The story I wanted to write was of my anger and confusion at her attitude toward me, loudly in front of her friends; none of which I knew. I didn’t write that story due to concerns of outing her since it was a very sensitive interaction. So, I erred too much on the side of caution. To avoid sharing how I was feeling, which would have been harsh … I turned that harshness toward anonymous people. People who’d never know what I’d written. People whose actions couldn’t be traced back to them personally. I was wrong. As a writer, I need to write my authentic feelings in a way as easily digestible as possible. Even in the most mundane essays and stories, someone somewhere may be offended. As a writer, as a humane person, my intention isn’t and never should be to judge others or speak harshly about any particular lifestyle.

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We’re all humans. We all bleed red. We all have feelings. We all live life. We all love who we love. We all enjoy what we enjoy. I was wrong to blind myself to those facts. As a Christian, I believe God loves us all for who we are. I believe we are His creation. How dare I be so cruel and unyielding, so unloving. Truly, that was not my intent which is why I am so thankful a friend asked me about the article. I re-read it with fresh eyes. Through reliving the moments of that night, I saw in those words a person I didn’t recognize; a person I didn’t like. A person who wasn’t my authentic self.

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I never thought to simply delete the article. My thought was to edit it by writing similar words as these OR to write a new article apologizing for the stance I projected in that one.

There’s a saying, “Hurt people, hurt people.” That’s what I did. I was appalled by how I was treated and projected those feelings onto others. I was wrong. I apologize.

Please always feel free to ask questions or comment on any of my writings whether good, bad, or indifferent.

I haven’t written much in a long time, though I invite you to subscribe for automatic notification of new posts and to share articles and writings with others via the social media links.

Thank you for reading this story,

Deborah

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deborah

I journeyed from GED to PhD with a host of experiences in-between. I'm a lover of penning my thoughts whether as poetry, prose, short stories, essays, inspirational articles, reviews, journal entries, and more.

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